just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
