i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
