Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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