i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize