I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
