Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
