i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
