Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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