dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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