My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
