I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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