One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
