No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.