So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE