I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?