I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.