Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
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Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
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