I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.