Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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