No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
