I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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