so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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