11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
