I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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