What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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