Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My balls are so social today.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
