We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
