For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
