Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
