ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
