if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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