In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have tasted many bathrooms
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
