is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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