Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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