Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
