I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
