He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek