his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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