Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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