It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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