I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
