Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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