Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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