i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
