i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
