So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
