the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the day after is always just damage control
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
