What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
