I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
