My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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