chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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