She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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