Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
