Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
