My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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