3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
