you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
