You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
