i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
