i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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