Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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