May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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