You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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