btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We named our party play list daddy issues
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
