I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
