yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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