you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
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I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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