It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
