I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
