she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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