i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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