dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
No subtext here. People are naked.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
