she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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