I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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