Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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