well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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