i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
