I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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