Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
