Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
