I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
