where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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